When I discovered, I am suffering from seizure…
Well I shared many life events, my life journey till now with all of you. I consider you all my family, family who praise, encourages me to write more. I am blessed to have you all in my life. There are many phases which are still unfolded, one of the most horrific, vulnerable phase I would like to share with you all again. The phase when I learned that I am suffering from seizure. Yes the phase full of thrill, fear, lost of hope towards life.
When I was 17, I moved to the capital of India, Delhi. I am a small town girl. In town life was pure, full of peace and simplicity. But when you move to big cities everything changed. Your way of living, perception towards life, we become more materialistic rather than simplicity. Even sufferings also becomes up to that level. I never even heard a word seizure but when I developed it, my life was shut at that time.
Delhi was a city of dreams where I came to turn my dreams into reality and my parents expectations from me to be true. I was discovering this new life like a furious child, who wanted to learn everything as soon as possible. Every new beginning comes with a price and every ending comes with a gift.
So, while writing this phase and recalling it once again shaken my soul hardly. But you will only win from every fear when you learn to deal with them rather than running. And I never learned to give upon life no matter how hardly and brutally it tested me.
When I moved to Delhi after few months I discovered my finger bones during night got twisted while sleeping. It pains a lot. I avoided because I thought maybe it’s because of stress and writing so many assignments. But every passing days it became more frequent and my leg bones also started paining. My body was constinously giving me sign of my bad health but I was so busy in city life that I ignored it by giving excuses to myself everyday. One day I was alone in the p.g., everyone went out for there work, colleges. My classes got cancelled on that day. I woke up late. In the afternoon I was preparing my lunch, my mother called me. I was cooking and talking to her too. Suddenly I realized that I am not be able to feel the spoon which I was holding in my hand to mix the veggies. I got really scared and run towards other room. Then I realized my right arm was twisting automatically, my mother was on call and I am unable to speak. She was continously asking what’s going on, why are you not speaking? Everything was fading and I fainted over on the cooler. The corner of the cooler hit hardly over on my head which got swelled. I remembered nothing, mobile was lying on the floor. My mom was crying and she called my p.g. mates and told them to reach to me as Soon as possible. Few minutes later one of my p.g. mate entered and she shouted loudly when she saw me lying on the floor. Foam was coming out from my mouth. She thought that I harmed myself. Landlord came running and called there family doctor. They holded and put me over on the bed. I was still unconscious. My mother called my local gaurdian and dad. After 10 minutes I regained consciousness. I found difficulty to open my eyes wider. My body became so weak that I can barely move. Landlord, doctor and my friend was standing by my side. I asked my friend what happened to me. She said nothing you got fainted, relax doctor is here. My local gaurdian reached till by now in p.g. Doctor gave few normal medicines and advised me to consult neurologist. On the other side my parents were preparing to come Delhi as Soon as possible without any reservations or tickets. My local gaurdian packed my luggage and took me with them. I even can’t stand properly. My head was paining severally where cooler corner hit it. I was puzzled what the hell was happening with me, no one is clearing the things out.
My local gaurdian was updating about my condition to my parents. I even don’t know they are coming. In the night I called to my p.g. friend who saw me first in that condition. I asked her what happened to me? She narrated the whole thing that how my right side of body got twisted and foam was coming out of my mouth and I was lying unconsciously. She got scared when she saw me. I thought I was suffering from any fatal disease. I cried whole night because it was a starting of my new life, now I can see it shutting off. I discovered my tough was bitten hardly. Everything was messed up. Next day my parents reached. They found my condition lifeless, my mother started crying, I can barely wiped her tears because I can’t even lift my arms. My parents immediately took me to the best neurologist in Delhi. I was sitting in the cab continuously thinking and praying “oh God please don’t be so hard have some mercy, my parents are suffering because of me, my life is ruined now, I left with nothing, just show me the ray of hope, please God I want to live, I want to make my parents proud, I was to discover more.” And suddenly cab stopped we reached to the hospital. We were waiting in the waiting area, there was still some time in my appointment. I found so many people there. I murmured, they all are suffering from what I am?
Someone called my name, we went to doctor’s chamber, my parents narrated whole senario. He said it’s ok don’t panic, I am writing few test get it done as soon as possible. My mother was continously asking is something wrong? Doctor said let the reports come.
My father took me to CT scan room, I heard about it. My heart was beating heavily. I went inside, nurses told me to lay down on the bed over on which a huge machine was hanging. That machine scanned my whole body and clicked footage of my brain areas. Radiation was so strong that my body was draining, they gave injection to me. After an hour I have to go for another test, called EEG. Yes I read about it in class 12th. I went inside, again nurses told me to lay down and they started attaching uncountable numbers of wires over my head with some sticky material for taking brain readings.
When all test got completed I went to bathroom with my mother to wash my head because sticky material got dried and made my hair hard. I asked my mother what will going to happen maa? My mother was lacked to say anything but still she consoled me and said don’t worry nothing going to happen you are a strong girl, be brave. I wanted to believe over on her words but I can’t. Reports came we went to the doctor he said that there is nothing to get worried, there is a pin point blockage in one of the brain nerves. It will be fine, it’s normal you are suffering from seizure and you will get well soon. I questioned to myself just a pin point blockage can make me suffered upto this extent seriously. My parents was little relived, I too managed to smile. But from here life would not going to be easy the way I thought.
I discovered I am suffering from seizure. “A seizure is a sudden, uncontrolled electrical disturbance in the brain. It can cause changes in your behavior, movements or feelings, and in levels of consciousness. If you have two or more seizures or a tendency to have recurrent seizures, you have epilepsy.” This is what seizure called. I started taking care of myself a lot from that day. I cut off many things from diet. I changed my routine. I always carried medicine with me every where, even during night I kept medicine under my pillow. I became very very sensitive towards my health. Every slight changes in my health, I directly run to my neurologist. It was very very difficult but I learned. My mother was not in favor to send me back to Delhi in this condition. “I told her how long you will going to protect me maa? Let me learn to take care of myself. It’s my fight, God trusted over on me and gave me a chance, let me prove myself. Don’t worry maa your blessings are with me”. My father supported me. And I came back to Delhi again. There was a fear, thrilling but I know I don’t have to run, I have to face them then only I can show and prove how badly I wanted to live this sacred life.
Now it’s been 8 years, I got fits many times. Situations was tough, once I got fits during my final graduation exams but I stayed strong. My fits last long for 2 minutes after that I regained my consciousness. All I need glucose and medicines. I rushed towards hospital , told about my condition, they admitted me, injected drip and gave few necessary injections. Next day I holded my hands tightly and wrote exams and I stood third in my college. I had a strong will , I don’t want to waste anymore year in fear. Till 3 years I got fits frequently but I was blessed by good, loving, caring people around me who knows about my doctor, hospital, medicine names. They were always alert, when I feel like I am not well. They took me immediately to the hospital.
Slowly slowly I learned how to balance my life and seizure. Now I am perfectly fine and fully recovered. Still I carry medicines, go for routine checkups, alertness towards my health is my first priority. As I already told you all I am a traveller and Mountaineer. With seizure it was not easy to chase my dream of travelling but I beat it and I won. Today I am fit, healthy and happy, full of energy to discover more.
Through this I want to convey message to you all ” if your aim, willpower and dreams are stronger than your pains and sufferings, you are a winner. Be brave, live like a warrior. Never fear or scared of any difficulties in life. Life test you many times. It’s you who must have to prove that this is your life and you want to make it more beautiful by discovering every folded phase of it. Nothing is easy, you have to fight for small things too. Always keep your spirit strong. Stay calm and be patience, tough time never last long. Believe in yourself, and embrace your inner beauty. You will definitely going to find a world full of miracles. Remember God is always watching you and he is always on your side to hold you when you get tired.”