Life as a Mountaineer
Well that was the most toughest decision I had ever made in my life to live as a mountaineer. I made this decision late but yes I made it. Since childhood I have this dream in my heart to be a traveller or mountaineer. I travelled a lot with my parents when I was a child. Well my parents are traveller.
For me travelling was like a magic and a kind of teleportation from one place to another place when I was a child. My parents always made all of a sudden plans. I am a day dreamer who dreams a lot ,who creates her own world by observing the surrounding keenly. I had my own self-made stories where I travelled in my childhood. My parents stopped traveling frequently because of there jobs and promotions. Till by that time we became a family of four. Now every trip they planned during summer or winter vacations. It was moreover a kind of family trips rather than adventurous one. I started missing those charismatic days and slowly I started developing my attachment towards travelling. It always seems like mountains, hills were calling me. But I avoided my inner voice because of studies, interest towards other fields, pressure about jobs, relationship and many more. I closed my ears towards my inner voice. And one day my inner voice stopped calling me.
In order to make everyone happy, I forgot myself, my dreams. I had a great job, relationship life was perfect, family life was full of happiness but something was missing. My family supported me in every decision of life, they are my real strength. When you lack to live your dreams, you find everything boaring, sometime void and blocked ,that is what happening with me those days. I made myself busy in job, in my Master’s study and relationship. I hardly get time to think about what I wanted.
My relationship was the most beautiful and the most worst thing that happened to me. I was in a relationship with the most loving man in my life after my family till six years. He was a biker. I always wanted to travel with him some day. He loved me but never gave importance to my dreams, he promised me that one day we will travel together. Our families liked each other and we were about to get engaged after 6 years but all of sudden he changed his mind and left me alone. He was lured by some other beauty. Many heart got broken at that time. Our families was in a deep shock, no one excepted this from him. People was consoling me but for me it was like someone took away the sky over on my head and pulled away the ground under my feet. I became numb, there was darkness everywhere. I learned to be silent and was suffering from depression. That time was so hard for me, I showed that I overcame but I didn’t. Those memories was haunting me everywhere. I became pale. I tried to cry harder but my voice got chocked. Due to this my gums developed a cyst and my face went under nevers collisions. I went to doctor for consultation. He told me you have to go for two surgeries immediately otherwise your face will get paralyzed. I got scared at that time but my inner will was strong. I took decision immediately and went for surgeries alone, it took 2 hour. When anesthesias effect got over my real struggled started. I cried whole night not because of surgeries pain. I was strong to handled the stiches inside my mouth but can’t handled the stiches over on my heart gave by my man. I developed sezurie and migraine after that. My body was sanking. I was alone. I learned how to manage sezurie and migraine under guidance of neurologist. I asked to myself “why why I am giving pain and sufferings to myself? That person never turned up since the day he left me. Am I that weak? No no never.”
After six month I finally overcame little from those sleepless nights and haunting memories. I started writing on Facebook about my life journey with the ink of my pain. It made my heart lighter. I joined new office. I managed to smile again and not let my self respect down for that coward man. “Words and pen plays the role of my ointment”. Time to time I visited to my neurologist to consult about my health. I started doing yoga, it helped me a lot. But still there was something missing in my growth. People saw what I made them, the happiest, funniest, jolliest side of me. I had tonns of friend. In the crowd of millions my heart was still silent.
One day I was disturbed, I went to consult my neurologist. I shared about my past with him earlier when I developed sezurie and migraine . He prescribed depression pills but he told me one thing before I left his chamber, ” Dear girl you are brave, you suffered and you recovered, you are strong, try to avoid these pills, I Know you can recover again. Just listen to your inner voice. You need to go out, travel as much as you can. Nothing can stop you because hunger towards life and love is still alive in you, chase them.” His magical words hit my mind so hard, especially that word “inner voice“. I discovered what was missing in my life, my dream of travelling, being a mountaineer. I asked him “Am I fine because I am suffering from sezurie and migraine?” He smiled and replied that “you will be when you will start loving and cherishing yourself“. I went office next day but my mind was stucked over on inner voice. I googled about trekking and I found my first spot. I applied for leave and it got approved. My colleagues asked regarding leaves, I told them about my dream. They wanted to join me and from that day we became a group of travellers.
We started chasing a new life in mountains, a new life far from this chaotic world in the lap of mother nature, full of peace, silence and warmth. Later few people left the group because of there busy schedule. Now we became the group of four. We never stopped. We continued to travel, until we found peace. I forgot everything, past remained in a memories, a good one. I found a new life , the most brightest one.
I left job because my hunger towards travelling, trekking won’t stop here. It was growing vigorously in my heart. My inner voice continuously, loudly calling me. I discussed about this with my parents. My mother wasn’t agree because of my health issues. But my father supported me a lot. I can understand my mother’s concern towards me. I holded her hand and told her “I don’t want to die without living my dreams maa, be with me, if bad things are meant to be happen they can happen anywhere. Don’t worry about future, let me live my present first. I will take care of myself. All I have only this beautiful, sacred life and my family, I don’t want to waste anymore year running behind lure and illusions. I Know you must understand me.” Her eyes were filled with tears, she holded my hands tightly and said “you have my blessings go and fly high.”
So presently I am living my life as a traveller, mountaineer. I travelled to many places, climbed endless mountains, did countless trekking. Hills, forest and mountains are the actual place where I always wanted to be and I am finally home at last. I recovered my sezurie, migraine is still there. I am very concerned about my health while travelling mostly. I always carry all the recommended medicines related to sezurie, migraine and mandatory one for travelling with me. My backpack always have first-aid box because I know I am the only one with me. I have to be strong. I am a girl full of scars over on my body, they hurt but they always made me happy whenever I see them, touch them. They hold the memories of those tough places from where I received them, they shows my achievements not pain. I never wanted to be a daddy’s princess neither my father. He always treated me like a warrior. Few treks which I did never thought I am going to came back alive. But I did. Few mountains burnt my feet severely that I barely managed to walk but yes I did it. I spent many nights in between the forests, hills, over on mountains without any network, any materialistic things, hardly any food, water, comfortable bed, clothes. The things which was always there with me during this was sky full of stars, cold chilly breeze, bonfire, peace and satisfaction. When you travel you see your sorrows as your strength, you care about nothing, your beautiful skin, well maintained body, shiny hair, clothes, comfort in short all fancy things. All you focus upon your aim, your inner voice, your heart. Sometime it was really hard for me, I cried but at last it’s worth rather than sit back and cry for a worthless man.
People taunted me that you are a sick person, you are suffering from so many diseases how you will going to manage alone. Today those people praise me, want to travel with me, want to read my travelling blogs. From the day when I choosed this path, I smiled and never look back.
I want to convey message to all who are alone, suffering from there inner darkness ” stand up, don’t hide yourself behind four walls, you are beautiful, enough strong to love, nurture yourself. You are your true friend. Never listen to ominous people and there negative words. There main agenda is to bring you down, stop you to chase your dreams. I know we all are broken some are in past and few are in present. Are you that weak that one person or any situation can breaks you down?. You are meant to roar. I Know it takes time, it’s hard, it’s difficult, I too suffered but it’s not impossible. I fought with my inner darkness and today I am living my dreams. I am proud over on my self and my parents too.” My relatives never supported neither society. It was hard for them to accept me as a mountaineer but today whenever I go home, my cousins ,my uncles and aunties are waiting eagarly to listen about all those places where I travelled, to see the snaps which I clicked. The people who are trying to let you down one day they are the one who will going to praise you the most. “We have one life, don’t waste it running behind others, live it for yourself. This message is for everyone who want to live there dreams but lacking it. Disease, personal issues will always be with you whole life , don’t scared with them, make them scared with your strong will like I did and trust me you will definitely win over on it.”
Live the life once before you die the way you always dreamed. I ll resume my mountaineer life when pandemic situation becomes undercontrol. God bless all, be happy and cherish what you have. Nothing is impossible if your inner will is strong. Remember God is a giver and healer too.