Dear Diary

je t’aime encore

I am still in love with my ex.
I was the one to breakup with him.
Everyone thinks that I am over it now.
But I am not.
The reason why I broke with him is that he stopped loving me and stopped showing it.
I felt unwanted.
No one can never understood how hard and painful it was to broke with the person whom I loved with all my heart.
I respect him a lot.
He was not only a love, he was my motivation to grow and still his words are playing a role of my motivation in writings, and to nurture myself.
He was the one who taught me to love myself first before him.
I was blessed to have him in my life.
He showed me a path of peace and hope.
He enlightened my dark heart with the light of his love and understanding.
But I realized now he don’t want me anymore.
For him I am playing a role of burden now.
He is a falcon and I am still learning how to fly.
He came for a purpose in my life to teach me how beautiful life is which I was not be able to see before.
Now he started avoiding me without any reason.
Every passing day was like a year without his messages, his call.
So I thought if I do breakup, it would hurt less.
But it was not easy, I just want him to be happy.
He didn’t take the breakup well and responded nothing.
My heart was lying into pieces on the ground of trust.
I was dealing with depression, lack of appetite, sleep less nights, gluing my eyes whole day and night over on his profile hoping for single text from him.
But he never turned up.
He is a fire and I am a water, two opposite people.
I still love him a lot, I still feel him by my side whenever I am puzzled while writing, whenever I am in delimma to deal with any situation, whenever I am sad or Happy.
He is still with me walking every step holding my hand tightly.
Because I made him immortal in my words, in my writings.
He had my whole heart and even after we broke up.
I can’t give my love to anyone else.
But he doesn’t deserve it so ,why can’t just get over it.
Why can’t I just move on.
Not now but one day definitely you are going to miss my boaring texts, my silly questions.
You will miss my fights, my mood swings.
My arguments, my possessiveness and insecurities.
The most of all you will miss the way I cared for you.
But now I am done.
I don’t want to hold any illusions of us together anymore, let it go.
I want to walk alone over on the path which you showed to me.
I will grow the way you expected from me but not for you this time, I want it for myself now.
I am going to rise like a king not a Queen of my own kingdom.
Good bye love, still one thing will always going to remain in my mind that what wrong I did to you that you said nothing and decided not to talk to me anymore.
I am moving on by recalling all your powerful words which you said to me, I locked them in my heart forever.
I love you but don’t want to hold any positive sign of your return back to me anymore.
I waited for you so long but it’s time to go.
I miss you and will going to miss you every single day because you are the most beautiful memory of my life.
I know you will always going to be my side in my heart, shadow never leaves you and you are my shadow.
Thank you for trusting over on me, little but yes thankyou.
Good bye….